I Soliloquy

Will I wake again?
A summers morn?
Am I still in the canyon,
Broken and torn?

Would life care to let me go?
I want to go. I want to go.
In this place
Was it all a dream?
The canyon not to long ago red
Is now green?

I have no broken bones.
My head seems fine to me.
A bit uncomfortable,
But no worse for wear
Except for these tears from the dream.

Could I?
Should I?
Do I want to tell the others?
It all happened...
And I see the stains...
Huh.
No one cared for me.
So I suppose I shall
Since there's nothing left.
I've thrown it all away.
I've nothing left to do but rest.

Satisfaction granted
From this little trip.
It's time to go back home.
It's time to take what's left.
I've no idea what's worse to wear,
Mourning clothes or the skins of bears...

Guess I'll find out on the road.
There's nothing left to do.
If they can find me...
I can find you.

***

The boy in the gorge
Sat and he thought
Of what he might do
And what he had wrought.

Crystal stairs ran up through the mountain,
Up spiral ramparts,
Up metal fountains.
At the top stood the wizards
Who still rule the world.
At the bottom stood the boy,
Sword, bag and furl.

He wrote his words on a marble flag,
Hefted his sword to strike at last,
Carried his weight in memories and tokens,
And took on world, not so alone, not so unbroken.


ISA

This marks the end of the 'January Firsts' series. I truly hope you enjoyed the two series this month, and will try to release more in the future.
 

I Died

I died.
The emptiness inside
Ruled by a chaotic mind
Hidden from the deepest corners
Showed no mercy to naivety.

I died.
Can you help it when you're so alone?
Is no one home, is no one home?
Eternity goes by seconds,
And that boy, and that girl,
Has had many.

I died.
There's no worry,
There's no fear.
The black and dark is all that's here.
I died
And stepped inside
Where emptiness laid,
To take back my soul,
Take back the pain.

I died.
Rotting carcass while awake.
It stays the hand
Of love and hate.
If my scent is foul
And there's nothing worse,
That'd be me.
That'd be my curse.

I died.
So long ago
When I tried to cry;
When I tried to live
I be beaten down,
By lone
By hate,
And it'd been all I'd feel.

I died.
Now all that's left
Is patience and loneliness,
Waiting for my time to rest.

***

Crack,
Splash,
Thud,
Boom.
The red flower awakened in bloom.
Turning brown to black,
The stem so blue
Paid the price
With heavenly dues.

Down the canyon;
That empty gorge,
 Became full, so full,
Of bloody scorn.


ISA

 

Heart to Understand

Swirling...
A state of thought,
Of being
One cannot understand.
The spiral loops
Of garbage and sand
Rarely settle
Below the burning pungent land.

Down, Down everything goes;
Down, Down the sinkhole.
Down, Down the journey begins,
Down, Down the journey ends.
Whittling rocks with bits of piss,
Smoothing the stone with things remiss,
Down, Down the empty rabbit hole,
Down, Down, like everything goes.

We never were
In a state where we wanted to be.
We made do with what we could see,
Touch;
No wants
Just needs.
The rats ate the garbage
Which ate the fish,
Which ate the algae,
Which will eat we.
We ate the rats
And so the rats are we.
According to the adage
'We are what we eat.'.

In the spiral
Everything dies
We live and learn,
Fail and Die.
What else is there
On the horizontal sky?
What else is there
When we roll the die?

Love is foreign.
Hate is sweet.
Anger, you can dine on.
Sadness will get you beat.
Why do you feel them?
What is their worth
Down in the spiral
Where nothing is worse?

From birth to death
We rely on the garbage.
From birth to death
That is all we will know.
From birth to death
Questions lie beyond the sinkhole.
From birth to death
We will never know.
From birth to death,
It's not so hard to understand
That the heart was never meant to be.

ISA


This marks the end...of the 'Heart to Garbage' series. I hope you enjoyed them.

Heart to Break

How does it feel
To wind a clock?
Does every turn wheeze?
Does every click tock?
Did time pass day to day?
How was life without the pain?

The clock ticks
And I tock.
My response to time
Every hour a bell chimes,
Is to put the minutes away.

I can hear my grandfather in the other room,
Every single click of mine responded with a boom.
His age is wisdom,
While mine is dull;
Every scent, crack, and whisper,
Responded with love from above.

I go for maintenance
Every day of the week.
Everything wrong with me,
From my build to my teak.
"I'm blue,"
I say,
But they never hear me.
They just mess with my insides
And I'll be back in another week,
Just as weak, just as weak.

Tick, Tock.
I'm still carrying on.
My time is never right,
I've always been very wrong.
But my hull is sharp,
I've never cracked.
I'm too dull to break:
And I'll sit on the rack.

Changed owners,
Changed hand
So many, many times.
When will be the last?
When will I be mine?
I wouldn't hazard to guess forever.
Granddaddy broke so long ago.
I wouldn't hazard to guess never,
But I'll probably be the last to go.

I'm strong,
I'm weak.
I'm forever alone.
But despite my faults,
I never once broke,
But that, they'll never know.

I'll sit in the scrapyard.
I'll tick, and I'll tock,
With all the old clocks
Among the long dead,
Long broken,
Long rot.
I'll sit till they crush me;
I was an ugly old clock.
I'll sit, never broken
Till finally I stop.

***

My heart's set to break.
My heart's set to stop.
My heart's set to despair,
Again and Again.
My shell won't break.
My gears won't stop.
I'll never fall,
Again and Again
Till I'm crushed
By the scrapyard stocks.

ISA

I Loved

I loved the rainy days
Where'd I watch the gray.
I loved the peak of thunder
And all the shine raised
By the falling lightning,
And near the night,
When I wasn't able to hate.

I loved my mother,
My father too.
My sisters dear,
I'd watch falter, about to fall,
And spring underneath them to catch them, and all
My brothers, in arm in blood,
I'd treasure them always, as hard as I can.

I loved my treasures,
My memories dear.
And when love began to falter,
I'd find them, just to shed the tears.

I loved quite a lot.
I loved every knick, scrape, and flaking hide.
Love meant to falter,
To break, shatter, die.

I became the villain.
I became the hate.
And the love just reminded me,
That I was jus too late.
There was no love;
No cushion for my fall.

There was companionship;
Honestly, it was just that.
There was care;
I'd not fall to such a trap.
There was pity;
An insult so foul,
I'd rip off my every binding,
And I would throw in the towel.

I quit the love.
I quit the hate.
I quit the fear,
The care so dear.
I'd quit it all,
The wishes, the dreams,
And no soul again
Would ever be seen.

***

The fall continued.
I fell for the while.
I waited for the splat:
A mess of blood, brain, and bile.

I spun in the air,
I looked back at the cliff.
I saw the sky
And I saw the rift.

I saw the world split apart,
The sun cover the moon.
Clouds turned black and silver,
And at the highest point
Fate granted me a boon.

ISA
 

Heart to Forget

Bright days
Under sunshine dyes
Leave whispers of a faint disguise.
Even liars tend to pray
When faced with sadness day to day.

Stagnant pools of filth
Litter roadsides
And even when the fire comes with the storm,
They won't move on
They'll stick unshorn,
Festering in hidden depths
For people to walk over,
Coughing from strep.

Every pool forgotten,
Even primrose paradise left untouched,
For all but the whispers farther ahead.
And the only holes screaming for help
Are left by the wayside,
Like the fish caught in the kelp.

Deep in the holes lie forgotten gems,
Like untouched diamonds;
Or unused tools;
And people forgot their worth,
As so too did the diamonds.

People move on
Pouring out hearts;
Great big crystal gems
That can tear islands apart;
And People move on,
We always regret:
The lies we tell each other,
And our Hearts to Forget.

ISA

I Feared

I feared forever.
I feared the day.
I feared the sunlight,
I feared the rain.

I feared till I didn't know what was left;
I feared the sunset,
My eternal rest.

I know I feared.
I feared I'd care.
I feared what was left
would come to bear.

I feared my fear.
I feared my hate.
I feared the world,
That heavy sword,
Small as the paperclip,
Where rested my world.

I spent an eternity in fear.
I spend time fearing
Every conjuring to come
To my empty head.
I live in fear:
Yesterday,
Tommorow,
And though fortune may favor the brave...
I am the coward spinning in his own well-dug grave.

I feared my face,
I feared my name,
I feared everything I brought to heart,
I fear everything that came.
An even eternity,
From birth I faced.

I whispered to the liars,
I whispered to my hate,
And every little bit of death,
Brought me to my knees
And I thought it was fate.

***

I look over the cliff,
At the final edge
Of the steppes that I had traveled,
Like in the world before.
I wondered if;
Like that eternity of fear;
I could overcome it.
The courage to jump over the ledge.

Did I have my parachute?
Did I have the board?
Should I jump without the safety?
Should I trust the world once more?

The answer all,
Is no, as ever;
But I knew this from before;
Even if all in store was death,
And no faith could be found in stores...
I was going to jump...
Over the cliff...
Like once before...

And if I can find the strength to fear,
I can find it to believe.
And If I fear the world,
I could jump to lose the hurt,
And lose to whims of hate...
Or I could jump to find the pain,
And bring the world every shame
That I could hold in store.

Either way...
I'll jump.

ISA


 

I Cared

I cared once upon a time.
I cared what people thought about me.
I cared at the end of the day,
Who I was; what I wanted to be.

I cared about life.
I cared about the dead.
I cared about the future,
I cared about what I had read.

Once upon a time I cared, and
My compassion held no bounds, and
At the end of the day,
No one watched me.

I cared.
None can dispute this.
I cared.
No one cares about this.
I cared.

***

"At the end of the day,
I am who I am,
I am what I wanted to be.
And I cared."

I sat on the mountain steppes,
Deep, long, wide furrows,
Jump to place to place
To place to place,
Down to the next, and I ran to the edge.
"I CARED!
I AM WHAT I AM,
I AM WHAT ONLY I CAN BE!
I CARED!
I just don't anymore.
I just can't anymore."

I cared...
And I am broken.

ISA

I Thought

I thought I knew the waking world.
I thought the morning light was made of gold.
I thought paradise was a step away.
I thought my hopes would rise, not roll.

I thought many things.
I thought of wonders, great and high.
I thought of necklaces, trinkets, and the rings of kings.
I thought of a lot, but it didn't make them real.

I thought I knew the truth,
When I was so naïve.
I thought I knew most everything,
But it was just the most important to me.

I thought the world was great, was big.
I thought if water could be walked on, so could air.
I thought that a mountainside would be easy to climb.
I thought that there weren't any walls there.
I thought wrongly on all accounts,
And blind as I was, I cared.

***

I flew down the steppes,
Never stopping as I ran,
And I thought,
"Nothing can catch."
But I can.

I am my thoughts,
And my thought are me,
And as that is true,
All my thoughts,
All my hopes,
All my dreams...
Can catch up to me.
 

Super Natural

Man is a myth,
Said the light and the dark,
And the grey just went along with it.

***

A peaceful morning,
Bright and clear,
Emerald waves
Bringing smiles stretching
Upon the New Years.

All day long the sun shines.
And all frolic and play,
Save for the few who watch from the shadow.
Eventually the day waxes,
And the night wanes,
And the sheep tired, hit the hay.

The monsters come out at night,
To scare the sheep that stay awake.
They lurk and hide,
They wait and abide,
Waiting for- nay, stalking their precious prey.

The sheep are all asleep.
The tragedy in disguise waiting for this opportune moment.
They shear the sheep,
Take their hooves.
They blind the sheep,
Stick hot needles down the ear,
Leaving naught for them to find near.

They take the grass,
They take the trees,
They take the rights,
And write the deeds.
They take everything,
Even the life the sheep lead.

Not among the villains are the cobras,
The crocodiles or the bears,
Only man.
And no dragon left to scare them away,
They remain myths.

And as myths are,
They are untouchable.

"They aren't men."
Said light and dark,
As grey who followed along
Questioned what would dare.
"They don't exist."
Said light and dark.
But Grey would not cower in fear.

ISA

 

I Wish

I wish I was better.
I wish I was who I want to be.
I wish I was who I want to look up to.
I wish I was more me.
I guess I'm a wannabe.

I wish light lit up darkness.
I wish I wasn't depraved,
Beaten,
Broken.
I wish I wasn't alone.
We don't always get what we have cause to see.

I wish I could go away;
Fade to dust,
Blown away.
But I won't let me;
It hurts too much to give.

I wish the stars would look over me:
I got that wish,
As Orion looks over me...
But even The Hunter isn't there for me,
'Cause he's hunting me.
He stalks me in my dreams.

***

If...
No...
When the rain blows sideways just to strike at me,
I'll look at it.
I'll brave the storm,
'Cause I can't give up,
No matter how much I want;
No matter how much I wish for...
The universe is just too cruel.

I sometimes wish I wasn't born.
I live in lies,
Deceive and hide.
I sometimes wish I could fill the gaping hole,
But even now it's seared open.

I sometimes wish that I could run...
But my life has only just begun.

ISA