I Wish

I wish I was better.
I wish I was who I want to be.
I wish I was who I want to look up to.
I wish I was more me.
I guess I'm a wannabe.

I wish light lit up darkness.
I wish I wasn't depraved,
Beaten,
Broken.
I wish I wasn't alone.
We don't always get what we have cause to see.

I wish I could go away;
Fade to dust,
Blown away.
But I won't let me;
It hurts too much to give.

I wish the stars would look over me:
I got that wish,
As Orion looks over me...
But even The Hunter isn't there for me,
'Cause he's hunting me.
He stalks me in my dreams.

***

If...
No...
When the rain blows sideways just to strike at me,
I'll look at it.
I'll brave the storm,
'Cause I can't give up,
No matter how much I want;
No matter how much I wish for...
The universe is just too cruel.

I sometimes wish I wasn't born.
I live in lies,
Deceive and hide.
I sometimes wish I could fill the gaping hole,
But even now it's seared open.

I sometimes wish that I could run...
But my life has only just begun.

ISA