I Feared

I feared forever.
I feared the day.
I feared the sunlight,
I feared the rain.

I feared till I didn't know what was left;
I feared the sunset,
My eternal rest.

I know I feared.
I feared I'd care.
I feared what was left
would come to bear.

I feared my fear.
I feared my hate.
I feared the world,
That heavy sword,
Small as the paperclip,
Where rested my world.

I spent an eternity in fear.
I spend time fearing
Every conjuring to come
To my empty head.
I live in fear:
Yesterday,
Tommorow,
And though fortune may favor the brave...
I am the coward spinning in his own well-dug grave.

I feared my face,
I feared my name,
I feared everything I brought to heart,
I fear everything that came.
An even eternity,
From birth I faced.

I whispered to the liars,
I whispered to my hate,
And every little bit of death,
Brought me to my knees
And I thought it was fate.

***

I look over the cliff,
At the final edge
Of the steppes that I had traveled,
Like in the world before.
I wondered if;
Like that eternity of fear;
I could overcome it.
The courage to jump over the ledge.

Did I have my parachute?
Did I have the board?
Should I jump without the safety?
Should I trust the world once more?

The answer all,
Is no, as ever;
But I knew this from before;
Even if all in store was death,
And no faith could be found in stores...
I was going to jump...
Over the cliff...
Like once before...

And if I can find the strength to fear,
I can find it to believe.
And If I fear the world,
I could jump to lose the hurt,
And lose to whims of hate...
Or I could jump to find the pain,
And bring the world every shame
That I could hold in store.

Either way...
I'll jump.

ISA